Overheard

"The house smells like bacon. It'll be okay."
My wife, reassuring me.


"Finer than frog hair."
My aunt relayed this phrase to us one evening, it was something someone had said to her in response to the question "how are you doing?"


"Well, you know Tyler--he's charming, and he likes the pretty girls."
Random comment overheard at work, spoken by an older woman to a younger one. The inflection made it sound so matter-of-fact, like a basic statement about the weather or something.


"The jampire, feeding on the pectin of the living."
My friend Dan, during an evening of random conversation with friends. I offered that this creature may be related to the ghastly Toastferatu.


"Greased-back hair, pencil mustaches and tommy guns."
My coworker John, describing what the overhead music was making him think of.


"I don't like Carmex no more, that shit tears my lips apart."
My friend April, talking to my wife and the rest of the girls.


"Did he just rhyme 'cougar' with 'schoolgirl'?"
Random comment overheard at work, from a young male customer to the person he was with, apparently mishearing a lyric.


"I think Katie's afraid of the baby."
My wife, speaking to her brother about a mutual friend.


"Just wait, one day I will take out a table, and what are you gonna do about it?"
Source withheld to protect my income--but it was hilarious.


"Like we practiced before, look him in the eye, arms straight at your side, and tell him who you are."
A father, a customer, instructing his little boy how to introduce himself to me in the store. He was a very shy boy and his dad was being very encouraging, very deliberately trying to teach him a simple social interaction.